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You Believe You Are the Best, Right?

The first part of this blog came from a posting I made on social media earlier this week

Well arent you?

Stop and think about it for a minute. I did the other day and I didn’t like what I came up with.

Here I am, asking people to invest their time and money in working with me, to help them reach their life and business goals and I don’t always believe I am the very best there is in my field. I’m telling them that since they don’t deserve the best they might as well settle for me.

Here I am acting like I wanted to take Jim Nabors spot on Gomer Pyle Oh, gee, golly gosh. I’m not THAT good.

Somewhere, somehow, we’ve morphed into a place and time where championing your ability to be excellent at what you do ends up getting a finger shook in your face sorta like Nancy Pelosi shaking her finger at Donald Trump awhile back.

Imagine getting ready to have major surgery and the doctor looks down at you and says I’m gonna do my best. Hopefully you’ll live through the surgery. Don’t worry. I’m pretty good at what I do.

I am not talking about the “You-rah-rah” BS. I am talking about you! You, the person that has worked and studied and sweated and banged your hands in frustration, shed some tears and wondered if you don’t belong locked up somewhere because it doesn’t seem like anyone is ever listening to you. You’ve invested a lot of time and effort to become the expert that you are. Why shouldn’t the rest of us see you as well.

You have put in the sweat equity. You deserve to claim the title “Best of the Best” in what you do!

The secret to your excellence? It’s really simple. You do what you do because you love what you do. You do what you do because you cannot see yourself doing anything else and when you have a string of failures and people start suggesting you might wanna move on to something else you look at them like they’re speaking Klingon. They don’t get it.

Want to know how I know? There is only of you and there will only be one of you. There a trillion of “everyone else’s,” but there is only one of you. There are a group of people who will follow you to the end of the earth because of who you are and what you believe not only about yourself but about the ability to be great at what you do. In a word you resonate with them.

That, is, so, cool! (I put the comma’s in there for emphasis.)

I am spending more time making sure my core values – honesty, integrity and only delivering what I know I can deliver remain intact despite the siren song that tugs at me every now and then to just be like everyone else . I am a what-you-see-is-what-you-get-sorta-guy.

I care about the people I work with. I know that violates one of them-there coaching rules that you are supposed to be objective otherwise you cant guide them. I care that they find success and happiness.

I am learning that each of you is a unique human being, special in each and every way that I am special and that your needs are as unique as mine. So I won’t ever hand you a sheet a paper, tell you to follow instructions, take three Ibuprofen and call me in the morning.

I am learning to listen with my heart and soul. To dig deeply as I listen and ask myself what I’m really hearing.

I have embraced the motto To they own self be true, not to the latest fad or practice.

I am the best mindset-life-business coach I know.

What about you?

If you wait until you are ready…… (you will never be ready!)

I grew up with the mantra Fail to plan, plan to fail resounding in my ears. It was everywhere. Throw a bucket of water on me in the middle of the night and I’d sit up and shout Fail to plan, plan to fail.

Tattoed on my inner arm was Prior Planning Prevents Poor Performance

Except, when it became an excuse to move forward.

Plan. Then plan some more. Than dive really deep and plan on a micro level. Waste time, resource, energy and arrive at convincing yourself that whatever it is you are contemplating doing ain’t gonna work anyways or your hesitant about trying so you keep it in”the planning stage.”

Why even try! You have planned it all out and the evidence shows you just need to close the doors and windows and play it safe.

Or, maybe plan a little better.

Maybe the project was larger than you imagined.

Time for a feasibility study or researching the empirical knowledge.

Ooo, Ooo I know, go to a five day workshop that has nothing to do with your project but the speaker is the guru’s to end all guru’s and if you don’t attend you’ll fall behind and you won’t be welcome at the cool kids lunch table any longer.

I mean who passes up on opportunities like that? Know what I mean, Vern?

BTW: You are really stressed and over committed and you wouldn’t have had time to implement your project anyways. Right?

When we operate from that mind set, we might as well not invest the time to begin with. You might even argue that it’s not an investment of time but rather a waste of time. It’s the old tug back and forth: feeling we have to rather than wanting to. A dog chasing its tail round and round until the end result is that we are angry, frustrated and depressed.

See, our inner critic proclaims. I told ya you’d fail.

Okay, lets climb down off the bridge.

There is a simple solution. Simple but not easy.

Find someone to hold you accountable for what you’re working on. Once a week, connect and review where you’re at and what you’re doing and how much progress you’re making on the project or goal. You don’t have to schedule a five course meal. You can do it via text or email, Skype, Zoom or phone.

Find someone you can trust and someone that will hold you accountable to what you commit to doing.

It requires self discipline and commitment on both parts.

Simple, just not easy but I can tell you it may help reduce your stress level, and give the old confidence a needed boost.

There ya go, problem solved

You’re welcome. It’s what I’m here for!

See ya next week.

Success, My Brother Joe, Angels and Homework.

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My siblings and I attended a Catholic grade school that was run by an order of nuns who didn’t tolerate any nonsense —- Period. They’d have given Navy Seals a run for their money

Even my mothers voice quaked a bit when one of them would call the house. My brother Joe and I would sit on the steps and listen to my mother say Yes sister, yes sister. I’m sorry sister. We’ll talk to HIM sister. 

HIM? A sure sign it was me or him. We’d start doing a quick inventory of what sort of trouble we’d caused in the past twenty four hours.

When Joe was in second grade his teacher told my parents that he wasn’t doing his homework. Everything had gone along fine for the first few months of the school year and then mysteriously he stopped turning in his homework.

Naturally worried mom and dad asked for an explanation. Was he sick? Did he not understand what he was being taught? What was it?

His explanation? He’d pray each night that an angel would visit our house and do his homework.

Easy-Peasey lemon squeezy, right?

To the best of my recollection he was told that while he could continue to beseech the gates of heaven for help, he had to start carrying his own water.

Why am I telling you this?

I am privileged to work with people who are committed to improving their lives and their careers. They define success in a lot of different ways and when things get a bit too much and life is a bit shaky, I tell them the story about Joe, the angel and the homework.

I tell them we are all looking for an angel to do our homework. Some of us stand in line twice a week hoping that the lottery ticket we purchase is going to wipe away all of our woes and then we won’t have to deal with life and all of it’s surprises. Some of us pray. Some of us daydream.

I remind them while successful people may call upon angels for inspiration, and guidance, they don’t turn over the keys to the condo.

There’s a lesson here. Of that I am sure.

We are always going to hear the siren song of the easy way until we realize the easy way isn’t easy at all. It just causes us more misery and many of us, like Joe, made it through second grade and went on to bigger and better things He got past hoping for the angels to make him look good and became a successful architect He and his wife Susan have raised two prolific writers and a mathematical genius who gave them four very cool grand kids.

The angels must be pleased.

Have a happy holiday. See you in January

What I Have Have Learned in the Past 10 Years: Staying in Faith

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If you could talk to your younger self, what advice would you give him?

My therapist floated the idea by me in our session last week.

Talk about synchronicity! I had just finished a three part exercise with Marie Forleo called Before You Say Goodbye to the 2010’s, Do This Decade in Review

I gave it a lot of thought. Here is what I came up with. Here’s the one piece of advice I’d give to younger me:

Stay in faith. Whatever challenges life throws at you, no matter how many people suggest you are crazy or are critical of what you think and what you believe, hold fast to those beliefs as long as they are not harming you or harming anyone else. Don’t let the gale force winds of skepticism blow you off course.

I have been there.

I have done that.

I would tell my younger self that you will see amazing peaks where you get a glimpse of the wonder and beauty of creation and all it’s manifestations. So much so that it will take your breath away. You will accomplish some absolutely amazing things. Take the time to acknowledge them, to savor them. They are yours and yours alone. Let no one ever rob you of the joy and pleasure you receive from simply being you. It is your most precious gift and talent. You have a patent on it. No one who came before you and who will come after you will ever be you!

You will experience the lowest of the lows at times. You’ll doubt yourself and everything you believe in and you’ll wonder how you made it this far. Those nagging voices in your head will go “needer-needer-needer.” I’d like to tell you a way to avoid this but there isn’t one. It’s called life and no matter how many people approach you with a whiz bang, quick fix idea, it is still called life. Pain is required, suffering is always optional.

Did I say that you will doubt yourself? Please remember that most things that happen to you or those you hold dear, those things that cause you pain, frustration and angst, are not of your doing and mostly beyond your control. Learn from them, retain the lesson and move on. – Stay in faith with yourself and everything you believe in.

Find something to believe in and hang on to it for dear life. Let it become your brand, your identity, your badge of courage and your signature that you write with a flourish. Don’t let other folks ridicule those ideas and try not to fall prey to those who want to take advantage of you.

I don’t care if your greatest joy comes from sidewalk art or of becoming the president of a Fortune 5. Just be you and squeeze every moment of enjoyment from being you that you can manage.

Don’t let anyone steal your dreams or short circuit your journey

Learn to trust and to love even if that trust may be broken and that love never returned.

Finally put yourself in the other persons shoes. They have great joys, great fears and great ambitions, just like you. They are going to stumble and make mistakes just like you. They are not perfect and either are you.

It’s why this life we live is called a journey.

That’s what I’d tell the younger me and that’s what I’ve learned in the past ten years.

When I sat down and wrote the the things I’ve accomplished in the past ten years and the things and struggles I’ve overcome in that time as well, it took my breath away.

Damn I’m pretty good

So are you.

Namaste

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Are You Uncomfortable Setting Goals for Yourself?

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I used to be. I hated it. I ran from it like you run from an over due bill! I was one of those Ready, Shoot, Aim people. I used set my goals on the run.

An eighty percent success rate used to be good enough for me.

Every self improvement class I took or talk I heard always began with the exhortation that you will not land in the pantheon of the great and powerful without setting goals.

“So let’s begin by writing your goal for this course….”

“I don’t have one. I was hoping you’d give me a bit of guidance. If I knew what I needed to do why in the hell would I waste invest my time being here!”

That just seemed way to overwhelming especially for a recovering perfectionist! I mean, the goal had to be absitiley and posilutley perfect right from the get go or it didn’t have meaning to me.

It was maddening.

Do you know many of us stumble right out of the gate?

It’s why gym’s and fitness clubs are a great business to invest in. We agree to pay for a year, show up for maybe three weeks, and the owner vacations in Cabo San Lucas while we are trying to figure out what went wrong. We arrive, very quickly I might add, at the conclusion that we are failures and being skinny, healthy, happy and buff ain’t for us. Sigh.

Can I share something? It’s not us. Really it ain’t.

It’s our perception of things.

I walk into the gym and here is what I see:

People who resemble the Incredible Hulk doing all sorts of things that would cause me to rupture and hemorrhage to death if I even thought of trying them. Sweating, grunting, high fiving each other. Of course, they all just jumped off the pages of Vanity Fair or GQ and wear designer work out gear.

I take a quick look at me

Flabby, bald, overweight, old, straight from the cover of Mad Magazine

Okay I’ll stop. I’m depressing myself.

Wanna know something else?

Neither one of those scenarios are 100% accurate.

It’s a mindset issue. I set a goal of being healthy and happy and full of activity for the upcoming year and here I am – I’ve been there for ten minutes and I’m already contemplating my exit strategy.

But here’s the thing. Most of the time we set a goal that shoots way above what we can accomplish in the time frame we set and we fall short because we’re don’t know what living in that neck of the woods means, or feels or how we’re supposed to act once we get there. Besides we have our dear friend the internet, convincing us that the click of a mouse or pointer will send us on our way to sensual Nirvana, all for twelve easy payments of $397 dollars!

But then, like magic,after stubbing my toe and bumping my head more often then I care to admit I saw the problem.

When I was a production supervisor I was given the task of managing a department that was under performing. One of the first laws of production management is to reach a set standard. That means you paid the bills. Anything above it is profit. Anything below it is, well it’s not good, lol. Standard is often defined as 70% of maximum capacity. My department was running roughly at 50%. Every morning we were told to walk around with the previous days production report and advise our machine operators whether they made the standard or not. This wasn’t a lot of fun because I can tell you that if you suggest I’m incapable of doing my job every day of the week, I’m going to give you all sorts of reasons as to why it ain’t my fault.

Know what I mean Vern?

I came up with a plan. I took a huge risk.

Remember that the obstacle to reaching our goals is a matter of perception. I started generating a report that took the operation towards the desired standard in incremental steps. If you currently operated at 55% of standard I’d ask you to reach 60% in a months time. I’d ask you how you could do that. I’d ask you to involve other people. In other words I made it a goal you could see and reach and personalize.

Each step of the way, I’d sit down with you and review each weeks performance. If you didn’t hit your target we’d talk about why. It might have been a material problem or a mechanical problem and after putting this practice into place for a couple months my machine operators opened up and added a “I had a bad week. It will be better this week.”

(I think that’s called being human.)

In a years time most of the operators were making standard consistently. Here’s why:

  • I involved them in setting a reachable goal. A goal they felt comfortable with.
  • I removed some of the pressure. Raising the standard slightly each month made the machine operator relax and be more attentive to obstacles. They felt a sense of accomplishment as they saw positive progress.
  • I allowed them responsibility for reaching the goal. I let them be their own advocate for correcting problems that prevented them from reaching the goal.

I could go on and on…………..

But the coolest thing was they started working together, communicating and listening. Those 40 or so people taught me a valuable lesson. They taught me to listen before I reacted. They taught me to break things down in chunks I could handle at the time. They taught me to live in the here and now and look what I could do to effect small changes that added up to a large change over time.

They taught me to look at progress and not perfection.

That, believe it or not, was in 1984. Since then I have a pretty good track record of reaching my goals. (There are a few that kinda sorta fell of the rails but that’s another story for another time.) I am confident that when I set a goal I’ll reach it because here is the first question I ask myself when I decide to set a goals.

What has to happen tomorrow today for me to begin the journey towards reaching my goal?”

One of my favorite movies of all time is What About Bob? with Bill Murray and Richard Dreyfus. Dreyfus is a therapist who wrote a book called Baby Steps.

I’ve embraced that practice of taking baby steps in my life and my business. It’s all about progress not perfection. It’s about sitting down and deciding that the here and now is the here and now and running full tilt into the obstacle in front of me is only going to give me a concussion.

Baby steps, Baby steps.

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Check out last weeks blog. It was a segway into what I wrote this week. It’s called Living In The Here and Now

See you next week.

Namaste

Living In the Here and Now

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He was standing on a street corner dressed in a colorful, flowing robe. To everyone who walked by he’d offered a leaflet and a smile.

I ran into him just as the light turned red so we stood next to one another for a few minutes. I felt awkward. He just smiled at me.

Where you are. Is where you should be, right now!

It came out of nowhere. I was gonna ask Are you talkin to me? But, just
like that he turned towards the next passer-by and was gone.

I was expecting a live long and prosper, or maybe to embrace life and it’s beauty.

Instead I get told that where I was is exactly where I should be. The right
now
 part really threw me for a loop. I’m standing on a street corner in downtown San Diego. That’s where I am supposed to be? It made no sense.

It went against everything I’d ever been taught.

  • You were to keep looking ahead, always striving for more.
  • You shed your faults, and your negative feelings and replaced them with bigger and better things. A bigger and better you. Someone who was capable of scaling great heights!
  • The “Next Big Opportunity.”

Lose weight, gain weight. Work out. Run hard.

Build your business, six figures next year, seven the year after! The sky is
the limit.

Ain’t that what the gurus and goal setting mahatmas encourage us to do? Aren’t we supposed to be like all them-there other folks?

Aren’t we?

Can I get an Amen?

I wanted to run after him and tell him that he couldn’t lay something like
that on me and head off into the sunset. I needed more. It wasn’t fair.

Where you are. Is where you should be, right now!

What the hell does that mean?

It was 1995 so there was no smart phone. No GPS. This is where I was supposed to be at that moment in time? Now what?

It wasn’t till I injured my back in 2011 that I began to understand. I was in
excruciating pain. My active lifestyle came to a grinding halt. My life
became a parade with me sitting on the curb and waving while everyone else marched by.Wait for me, wait for me, I’d yell. Six months earlier at the age of 57 I ran in my first 5K race. Now I had a hard time navigating my way into the shower.

When I tried to hop out of my chair, I’d get no farther than few feet and I’d have to sit down. I was doing a lot of live training for people at the time and when I’d set the room up for the event, I would strategically place chairs along the perimeter of the room so that after 30 seconds or so I could sit down.

Hey, it beat the snot out of falling down!

Loving presence arises when we can say, “This Belongs.” -Tara Brach

When it finally sunk in here is what I realized:

  • There is no fatal flaw inside of me. I wasn’t being punished for something I did or didn’t do. I’ll clean it up for ya but it dawned on me that “stuff happens.”
  • I was where I was supposed to be and no matter how hard I rejected that notion it didn’t change anything other than to make me really angry and frustrated.
  • Not only accept my current situation but embrace it. I may never move with the agility of who I once was.
  • I am learning to say “this belongs.”

I’d kept devising strategies and goals and meditations and all sorts of stuff to heal me. One doctor told me there was “nothing wrong with me.” I should simply lose weight and exercise. Uhm, okay. I needed help walking up the incline to get to his office. I should do what? But hey, he’s a doctor. He knows.

No he didn’t. It only made things worse.

I spent over three thousand dollars trying to “get better” until I realized I’d never admitted to myself the “here and now” was having an injured lower back.

Hurting my back wasn’t just injury. It was a message for me to slow my roll. Take a pause and heal.

Notice that there are absolutely no qualifications, exams or dog and pony
shows required. It doesn’t matter what I look like or don’t look like. My
income is irrelevant and so is my ideal client list.

We arrive on this planet with a bag loaded with gifts and talents. It’s a custom order that is designed just for me (and you!) No one can use those gifts exactly the way you can use them.

You know what? We try to. We break into someone else’s stash and take a few things that we know in our heart we can do better than they can do. Until we can’t. We say it’s not fair.

How come you get to…… and I don’t?

It’s all part of our conditioning, I imagine. Part of the bigger, better, faster
and sleeker mentality that hits us hard in the face every morning when we get up. It’s the What have you done for me lately trance.

Color me as guilty the next person.

Then I got this email. From The Universe of all people!

So very much can happen, John, in a lifetime or even on a single day of a lifetime. Yet I can assure you that whatever has or will happen in yours, no matter what chasms you cross, heights you scale or how many people you love or are loved by, when all is said and done and you take that final look over your shoulder. what will humble you the most will be, that you got to be John Jurkiewicz . Of all people! ~~~ The Universe

I can’t tell you how I felt when I read it. Awe struck comes close.

I get to be me.

And you get to be you.

All of us, in the here and now at this moment in time.

I invite you to experience it with me.

Namaste

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May I have your attention please!

If you’ve followed me for any amount of time you may notice I am not conventional in the slightest. It’s me being me as best I can be. (I’m sure you’ve noticed as well that I fracture the English language and all its rules and regs with out mercy.) I am a life, business and mindset coach whoendeavors to combine all three experiences in helping you create the very best opportunities in your life.

To that end, next weeks blog will be titled Are You Uncomfortable Setting Goals for Yourself? Don’t worry. We’re not going to do a deep dive on what happened to you when you were five. I’m going to share some strategies to help you cope with your reluctance to set goals. It will have nothing to do with SMART goals. (Actually I ridicule them a bit. I felt bad about it for a bit. I got over it.)

One more thing: Follow and subscribe. Please! (Sounds needy, doesn’t it?)

John@NewCareerCreations.com

Talking with my Inner Critic

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You read that right. It isn’t a typo.

My inner critic is responsible for the flight, fight or freeze behavior we exhibit when we feel threatened. It serves a purpose.

But here’s the rub: It really has no compass and since we are no longer hurtling through the forest with some crazed beast chasing us it had to find other ways to protect us.

Ahhh, protection. It is the inner critics sole function. It’s only job. We don’t encounter to may savage beasts while we’re stuck in traffic but our mental and emotional beasts produce the same stress and anxiety and our inner critic doesn’t know the difference. It goes into action secreting all the Adrenalin and other things we need to keep us safe.

When we get all stressed out because we just dropped three grand on a self improvement course and we aren’t “improved,” there is something wrong. Our inner critic, ever so grateful for the opportunity begins searching for an answer. There are no lions, no tigers and no bears. (Oh my!) There’s a lotta stress, self judgment, and anxiety.

Bingo! It springs into action and in it’s own confused way it says “I got this. I’ll protect you.”

I’m thinking that’s where the saying “We’ve met the enemy and it is us!” came from It has to be something we did, or said, or simply who we are.

It’s our fault! We’re flawed and damaged. Why aren’t we like everyone else?

We integrate those small thoughts and over time they pile up until we are mumbling and muttering “I can’t do nuthin right.” Worse yet, we begin to believe we are flawed. Our inner critic is smiling because it believes it’s doing its job. It stops smiling when we start a campaign to silence it. It will push back harder and longer and with more intensity, the more we endeavor to remove whatever it’s focused on at the moment.

It doesn’t understand. It’s job is to protect us! Why the hell are we fighting it! Every indication tells it that we are in danger.

You know. Cortisol secretion and all that other stuff I don’t half way understand!

I’ve fought my inner critic my entire life. I believed there was something wrong with me, otherwise why would I keep hearing that nagging voice?

There’s no secret sauce here. The heavens didn’t open with a revelation.

It just popped into my head while I was walking around the track at my gym one day.

I needed to start treating my inner critic with compassion.

When things get all confused and I feel threatened and those defense mechanisms engage I stop and I thank it for protecting me, for keeping me safe from harm, no matter how much I thought I didn’t need protection. It is (was) doing its job. I realized that it was me and I was it and the one thing both of us were looking for was validation. It wants what we all want – peace, harmony and stability.

I’m speaking with my inner critic more and more and each time I do I become aware of a poignant compassion that passes between us. There are times I’ll tell it gently, “Thank you, but I got this, you can take five.”

Here is what I am noticing. Those moments of self judgement and self criticism are getting less and less each day. I’m not ready for sainthood, don’t get me wrong, but I am starting to see space open up in a place it hasn’t opened in a long time.

That’s exciting.

Namaste.

#selfcompassion #selfcare #selflove #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mindfulness #healing #loveyourself #selfacceptance #compassion #selfworth #therapy #selfkindness #motivation #intuitiveeating #edrecovery #anxiety #serenity #antidiet #recovery #selfawareness #wellness #counselling #meditation #compassion

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PS. I finished my last revision and took a break. I learned awhile back to work in two hour blocks and take a break for 30 minutes or so. I threw a load in the washer and took the dog for a walk. I started reviewing what I had left to do before I went to a networking event later this afternoon.

My inner critic popped up and made a strong suggestion that I take the rest of the day off. I’d been working hard! Isn’t my health the most important thing? LOL

You see, I’ve been putting something off for a few days – procrastinating if you will. It’s something I really don’t WANT to fool with but something I NEED to fool with. One of those things that can move me forward.

I stopped in the middle of the street, took a deep breath, smiled and said,

Thank you. I appreciate your concern but this is important to me. If I don’t get it done today it wont get done and we both know what happens then. I have an idea! Why don’t you take a break today and I’ll get done a lot quicker.

That seemed to placate him, at least for now.

I sure hope no one called the police. I mean I’m standing in the middle of the street talking out loud to myself.